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What are personal values?
Personal values are the principles a person considers important and that guide their decisions: freedom, family, security, growth, honesty… They are not goals to achieve, but criteria that are lived, or not.
Identifying them is only half the work. The other half is ranking them: when two values clash —freedom and security, for example—, knowing which one weighs more helps you decide with more consistency and less guilt.
What it is used for in a coaching session
- Making difficult decisions. When every option seems reasonable, values show which one fits best with what the person considers important.
- Understanding dissatisfaction. Discontent often appears when a top value is not being lived.
- Setting consistent goals. A goal aligned with the client's values is easier to sustain over time.
- Naming an inner conflict. "I want to grow, but I also want stability" stops being confusing once it is seen as a clash between two values.
How to work on a values hierarchy, step by step
- Choose between 5 and 10 values. From a broad list, the ones the client feels are their own. Any missing value can be added.
- Rank them by comparing two at a time. In each pair, the client chooses which one weighs more.
- Look at the top 5. They are the core worth working with.
- Score how much they are lived today. From 1 to 10, for each of the 5.
- Talk about the gap. Where the distance between what matters and what is lived is biggest.
- Agree on an action. A small step to bring the value with the biggest gap into everyday life.
Why compare values two at a time
Ranking ten values in one go is hard and tends to produce "right" answers rather than honest ones. Comparing two at a time forces a choice: if you could only keep one, which would it be? That small tension reveals priorities a list does not show, and makes the final order more reliable.
How to interpret the result
- The gap matters more than the order. A very important value that is barely lived is a common source of dissatisfaction.
- The most aligned value is a resource. What works in one area can be carried over to another.
- A difficult duel is information. If the client struggled to choose between two values, there may be a conflict worth talking about.
- There are no good or bad values. Power, recognition or success are as legitimate as generosity or service.
Powerful questions about values
Identify
- What makes you angry when you see it?
- When did you feel most like yourself?
- What would you never negotiate?
Rank
- If you could only keep one, which would it be?
- Which duel was hardest, and why?
- Which value do you give up most easily?
Live
- Where is your number 1 value present today?
- What stops you from living it more?
- What would a week aligned with your values look like?
Decide
- Which option honours your top values most?
- Which value is at stake in this decision?
- What would you do if your number 1 value decided for you?
Common mistakes
- Choosing the values that "should" be there. The exercise works when the client chooses their own, not the ones that look good.
- Stopping at the list. Without a hierarchy and without looking at how much they are lived, values remain loose words.
- Judging the order. The coach accompanies; they do not correct the client's hierarchy.
- Never doing it again. Priorities change with the stages of life.
Frequently asked questions
How many values should you choose?
Between 5 and 10. Fewer than 5 is too few to compare; more than 10 makes the exercise lose focus. What matters is working with the top 5.
Why compare two at a time?
Because it forces a decision. Ranking a long list in one go tends to produce "right" answers; choosing between two reveals more honest priorities.
What if the client cannot decide in a duel?
Ask what they would do if they could only keep one for the next year. If they still cannot, that conflict is a good topic for the session.
Do values change over time?
Yes. The hierarchy can change with the stages of life. That is why it is worth repeating the exercise from time to time or before important decisions.
Can I use it in online sessions?
Yes. Share it on screen and go through each stage together as you talk.